Therapy Mini: We All Have Mental Health
In my last Therapy Mini, I wrote about how depression doesn't have a look.
Someone can be struggling deeply while still going to work, looking after their children, laughing with friends and appearing to cope.
And perhaps that raises a bigger question.
Why do we talk about mental health as though it belongs to other people?
We might say someone is "having mental health problems", as though mental health is something you either have or you don't.
But we all have mental health.
Just as we all have physical health, our mental health can change throughout our lives. Sometimes we're doing well. Sometimes we're struggling. Sometimes we're somewhere in between.
And perhaps recognising that matters more than we realise.
Mental health isn't the same as mental illness
Having mental health doesn't mean that everyone has a mental health condition.
Mental health is much broader than diagnosis. It includes how we're feeling, how we're coping, how we relate to ourselves and other people, and how we're managing what life is asking of us.
There may be periods when we feel anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, exhausted or low without having a diagnosis.
And someone living with a mental health condition can still experience happiness, connection, calm and moments when life feels good.
Mental health isn't simply a choice between "well" and "unwell".
We all have times when things feel harder
Life can affect our mental health in ways that aren't always obvious.
A relationship ending. Becoming a parent. Caring for someone. Losing someone we love. Work becoming overwhelming. Financial pressure. Illness. Moving house. Changing direction. Feeling lonely. Simply having too much to carry for too long.
Sometimes we manage these things well.
Sometimes we don't.
And sometimes we don't realise just how much something is affecting us until we notice that we're not quite ourselves anymore.
Perhaps we're more irritable. We're sleeping badly. We're withdrawing from people. We're constantly worrying. We're finding it difficult to concentrate or enjoy things that usually make us happy.
None of these experiences need to be dramatic to matter.
Why do we wait until we're struggling?
Perhaps because we've become used to thinking that mental health support is something you seek when things have become really bad.
We wait until we can't cope.
Until we're exhausted.
Until someone else notices.
Until the thing we've been carrying becomes too heavy to carry anymore.
Maybe we tell ourselves that other people have it worse.
Maybe we think we should be able to manage.
Maybe we don't think what we're experiencing is "bad enough".
But we don't usually apply that same logic to our physical health.
We don't necessarily wait until an ache becomes unbearable before we pay attention to it.
I believe our mental health deserves the same curiosity.
Looking after yourself isn't an admission that something is wrong
I think sometimes we can be frightened of acknowledging that we're struggling because we assume that naming it makes it more real.
But noticing how you're doing isn't the same as admitting that something is terribly wrong.
You can check in with yourself simply because you're a person going through life.
You can ask, How am I doing?
You can recognise that you're tired, overwhelmed or disconnected.
You can talk to someone before things become a crisis.
You can decide that something isn't working for you anymore.
None of this means you're failing.
It means you're paying attention!
What if mental health was just part of being human?
Perhaps we could stop thinking of mental health as something that separates people into categories.
The people who are okay, and the people who aren't.
The people who cope, and the people who need help.
Because most of us will experience difficult periods at some point in our lives. Most of us will know what it feels like to struggle with something, even if that struggle looks different for each of us.
And perhaps that makes conversations about mental health less frightening.
We don't have to wait until someone is visibly falling apart before we care about how they're doing.
We don't have to prove that we're struggling enough to deserve support.
Mental health isn't something that belongs to other people. It's something we all have.
A moment to breathe
Take a quiet moment and ask yourself:
How is my mental health at the moment, really?
Not whether you're coping well enough.
Not whether someone else has it worse.
Not whether you have a good enough reason to feel the way you do.
Just how are you?
Perhaps you've been brushing something aside because it doesn't seem important enough to talk about. Perhaps you're doing okay.
Either way, checking in with yourself doesn't mean something is wrong.
Sometimes looking after your mental health simply begins with noticing how you're doing.
Closing — An invitation
If you're finding life difficult, feeling overwhelmed or simply noticing that you're not quite yourself, counselling can offer a space to pause and explore what's happening without needing to have a diagnosis or a neat explanation.
Together, we can make sense of what you're experiencing, consider what might be contributing to it and explore what might help you feel more supported.
If something in this post resonated and you’d like to explore counselling with me, you can get in touch through my contact form here. I’d love to hear from you.
For Every Story | Therapy Mini Series
Therapy Minis are bite-sized blogs by Simone Bell of Simone Bell Counselling. Each post takes an honest look at the thoughts, feelings, and everyday experiences that shape us - because every story matters, including yours.