Therapy Mini: The Layers We Carry... Anxiety, Depression, and Identity
Anxiety and depression are often talked about as single experiences... but for many people, they don’t feel like one thing at all.
They feel layered.
Like parts of you stacked one inside another, each one shaped by what you’ve had to survive, manage, or hold together.
The outer layer: the part that functions
This is the version of you the world usually sees.
The one who:
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Gets up, shows up, replies to messages
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Keeps things moving even when it’s hard
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Looks “fine” from the outside
This layer often develops early, especially if you’ve had responsibility, caring roles, or little space to fall apart.
Anxiety often lives here as vigilance: stay on top of things... don’t let it slip... keep going...
Depression can hide here too, quieter, masked by competence and routine.
The middle layers: coping, protection, survival
Beneath the functioning self are layers shaped by coping.
These might include:
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Overthinking
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Emotional numbness
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Irritability or withdrawal
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Perfectionism
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Exhaustion that never quite lifts
These layers aren’t flaws, they’re protective adaptations.
They form when slowing down didn’t feel safe, when being honest felt like too much, or when there simply wasn’t time to unravel what you were feeling.
Many people with anxiety or depression live here for years, wondering why rest doesn’t restore them.
The inner layer: identity
At the centre is often a quieter question:
Who am I underneath all of this?
This is where identity can feel blurred, especially if your life has revolved around:
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Caring for others
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Managing illness (your own or someone else’s)
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Holding families together
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Being “the strong one”
Depression can disconnect you from this core.
Anxiety can keep you so focused on coping that there’s no room to explore it.
Clients often describe a sense of being lost... not broken, just buried!
Why this matters in therapy
Therapy isn’t about stripping layers away abruptly.
It’s about:
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Gently noticing which layers are still needed
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Understanding which ones are costing you the most
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Making space for parts of you that haven’t had much voice
When anxiety or depression are treated only as symptoms to remove, identity often gets overlooked.
But when identity is honoured, healing becomes less about “fixing” and more about reconnecting.
A moment to breathe
Take a deep breath and then reflect on:
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Which layer do you live in most of the time?
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Which part of you feels least seen?
There’s no right or wrong answer here, just information.
Closing — An invitation
If anxiety or depression feel tangled up with who you’ve had to become, if you’re functioning but disconnected, coping but exhausted, therapy can offer a space to explore those layers safely.
Please know, you don’t have to dismantle yourself to be understood... sometimes, it’s enough to be met exactly where you are.
If something in this post resonated and you’d like to explore counselling with me, you can get in touch through my contact form here. I’d love to hear from you.