Therapy Mini: Masking... Why ‘Functioning’ Can Still Feel Like Struggling
Masking is what happens when you hide parts of how you really feel in order to get through the day.
- It’s smiling when you’re overwhelmed.
- Holding it together at work, then crashing at home.
- Being “the strong one” while quietly falling apart inside.
However many people don’t realise they’re masking, they just know they’re exhausted.
What masking actually is
Masking isn’t about being fake or dishonest.. It’s often a survival strategy!
People mask to:
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avoid being judged or misunderstood
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keep relationships stable
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meet expectations at work or in family roles
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feel safe
It’s especially common for people living with anxiety, ADHD, trauma histories, or those who’ve learned early on that their needs were too much, inconvenient, or ignored.
Masking helps you function, but it often comes at a cost.
What masking can look like
Masking isn’t always obvious, it can be very subtle.
You might:
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say “I’m fine” automatically
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push through when you’re already depleted
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overthink everything you say or do
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keep busy so you don’t have to feel
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stay calm on the outside while your thoughts race
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feel irritable or numb once you’re finally alone
From the outside, you look like you’re coping but inside it can feel like constant effort.
Why ‘functioning’ doesn’t always mean well
One of the hardest parts of masking is the confusion it creates.
You might tell yourself:
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I’m working, so I must be okay.
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Other people have it worse.
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I shouldn’t feel like this, I’m managing.
But functioning isn’t the same as feeling well.
Masking often keeps anxiety, sadness, or anger contained, not resolved and over time that can show up as exhaustion, low mood, resentment, shutdown, or a sense of disconnection from yourself.
Masking and emotional fallout
When feelings don’t have space to be expressed, they don’t disappear, they tend to go somewhere else.
For some people, that looks like:
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anxiety that won’t settle
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anger turned inward or spilling out uncontrollably
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depression or emotional flatness
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physical tension, headaches, or fatigue
This isn’t a personal failure.
It’s a nervous system that’s been working very hard for a long time.
A moment to breathe
Take a breath.
Ask yourself gently:
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Where am I holding it together more than I need to?
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Who do I feel safest being myself around... if anyone?
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What would it be like to need less effort, just for a moment?
You don’t have to unmask all at once, awareness is a beginning.
Unmasking doesn’t mean oversharing
It’s important to say this clearly: Unmasking isn’t about exposing everything or losing control.
It’s about slowly allowing more honesty, more choice, and more self-compassion, often first in therapy, where there’s no pressure to perform or be okay.
Closing — An invitation
If you’re functioning on the outside but struggling on the inside, you’re not alone and you’re not imagining it. Masking can keep life moving, but it can also leave you feeling unseen and worn down.
If something in this post resonated and you’d like to explore counselling with me, you can get in touch through my contact form here. I’d love to hear from you.