Therapy Mini: What Is Your Anger Trying to Tell You?
Anger isn’t something to get rid of, it’s something to understand.
Why anger gets such a bad reputation
Most of us are taught that anger is a “negative” emotion, something to control, suppress, or even be ashamed of... But what if anger isn’t the problem at all? What if it’s a message?
Often anger isn't a flaw, but it's a signal, a protective response to hurt, boundaries being crossed, unmet needs, overwhelm, or emotional overload.
Anger can show up in many ways: irritability, snapping, restlessness, tension in the body, resentment, or even emotional shutdown. Also, it doesn’t always look like fiery shouting, sometimes it looks like quiet simmering.
Before you can understand what anger is telling you, you have to stop interpreting it as something wrong.
What anger is often trying to communicate
Anger can be messy... scary... but most often, it’s pointing to something deeper!
When you feel angry, it might be your mind and body saying:
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I feel disrespected or unheard
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I’m reaching a limit I haven’t acknowledged
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My needs aren’t being met
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Something feels unfair or unsafe
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I’m scared and don’t know how to say it in another way
For many people, especially those who spend a lot of time caring for others or trying to keep the peace, anger doesn’t feel like an invitation to speak up, it feels like something to hide. So it gets buried, ignored, or dressed up as irritation however over time, that unexamined anger can show up as anxiety, depression, fatigue, or emotional tension in the body.
Anger and the body
Anger isn’t just a thought, it’s a physical experience too.
You might notice it as:
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tension across your shoulders or jaw
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clenched fists
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a tight chest
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shallow breathing
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restlessness or pacing
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a sudden wave of heat
These aren’t “bad symptoms” they are your nervous system trying to help you notice something important.
What anger isn’t
Anger is not:
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a sign that you’re weak
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proof you don’t care
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something to be ashamed of
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the same as aggression
Anger is a clue, a way your inner world signals that something in your life needs attention, care, or protection.
A moment to breathe
Take a slow breath in.
Let your shoulders relax, and as you exhale, say (silently):
I am allowed to notice what I feel.
Now ask yourself gently:
What emotion is underneath this feeling of anger?
Is it hurt, fear, frustration... or something else?
There’s no need to fix it right now, simply noticing is enough.
Closing — An invitation
If you’ve been feeling angry and you're unsure why, or if you’ve been telling yourself you “shouldn’t” feel this way, know this: your anger is not a mistake.
It’s a signal, it’s information and it’s part of your emotional landscape that deserves attention, not suppression.
If something in this post resonated and you’d like to explore counselling with me, you can get in touch through my contact form here. I’d love to hear from you.
For Every Story | Therapy Mini Series
Therapy Minis are bite-sized blogs by Simone Bell of Simone Bell Counselling. Each post takes an honest look at the thoughts, feelings, and everyday experiences that shape us - because every story matters, including yours.